A good friend of mine recommended that I create a journal to help get my thoughts down because it made her feel better at the end of each day. I guess talking to people, or at least being able to get your thoughts out onto a medium does help, because it removes the chances of things stewing up and creating a problem. Anyway, here I am, posting my first entry to try and get my questions and dreams out to place out in the open for anyone to criticize, just read, or maybe even inspire or learn from. So here is my story.

Right now, I am in Palm Beach Florida visiting my mother who has been living out here since last March. The reason why she is out here is because she found a good job out here and decided to move out here. Now, where the problem lies is that my father is located in Rhode Island (my home) running The Droitcour Company, a mechanical engineering company. He has a rare disease known as "Vasculitis" and doctors are having a hard time trying to give the prognosis on the disease. This disease leaves my dad in a lot of pain, all the time, and he must take many different kinds of pain killers to get through each day. Now, these pills do not help heal his disease, but merely dull his pain so he can bare standing up and sitting down. Mobility for him is extremely limited and his tobacco consumption is increasing dramatically. So beyond all this, my mom is out in Florida, I am in Nashville, and my brother Ben is in Cape Cod at Mass Maritime Academy leaving my dad alone. The reason my mother doesn't come home is because my aunts (my dad's sisters) are angry with my mom for leaving him alone during these times... and well I don't blame them one bit.

So my question of the day lies within my situation. While I'm here visiting my mother in Florida, I feel bored and that spending Christmas in Florida is not for me. But should I stay happy and enjoy the time with my family? Or should I work on what I am going to do when I get home, which at the moment seems much more interesting and important.



Now, let's step away from the family situation. Here I am at 11:30pm on a Saturday night writing in my first journal entry... Earlier tonight we went to Improv, a comedy club in CityPlace West Palm Beach. I saw a couple stand-up comedians tonight and they were absolutely hilarious. But every single time I see or hear of a stand-up comedian, I feel that my thoughts are very similar to their stand-up routines and that I could definitely do stand-up comedy... at least once. But my family does not think that I am funny enough to do this. But, then again, I find myself wondering if I could do anything that I see anyone else doing. For example, if I go to a restaurant, and I see our waiter, I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I could do the same thing and how much of a better job I could be doing. Haha, so I look at myself now which is an audio engineer/movie producer, director/actor/musician/writer/artist/comedian/rigger/policeman/fireman/business owner/fashion designer/accountant/manager/graphic designer/lighting director/chef........ If I feel I can do anything, I will actually try and do all of these things... But what is my real calling in life? THIS is the most complicated question I will ever have... And it has been bothering me for my entire life. And as my first entry, I will vow to always bring this up in all of my other posts, because it has never left my thoughts and never will.

What do I do?

Tags: first, life
Current Location: Palm Beach, Florida
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Beatles, Revolver